Learning to Love Again: Part Four

Tails slowly opened his eyes, barely able to focus.  Everything was hazy at first.  The shapes he saw were blurred, but he could hear two excited voices.

"He's awake!"  Cream was right by his bed, jumping with joy and shouting.  Amy rushed over to him and gave him another bone-crushing hug.

"Oh, Tails!  Are you all right?  I'm so sorry!"  Amy sounded hysterical, but let go after she realized she might be hurting him even more.  

"What happened?"  Tails took a deep breath and rubbed his head.

"Um. . . we were on the couch talking. . . and you started shaking. . . and then you passed out."  Amy still sounded worried and was looking at the ground.

"Oh. . . right. . ."  Tails looked nervous, then lowered his head.  The last few seconds of consciousness he had on the couch played through his head again.  Cream then thought of something.

"What were you two talking about?"  Cream looked at Amy, confused.

"I was thanking Tails for letting me stay at his house. . . and for helping me with the whole Sonic thing. . ."  Amy looked Cream in the eyes as she spoke, having calmed down a bit.  Cream looked over to Tails, who nodded to confirm what Amy had said.

"I remember smelling roses. . . then my mind started racing, and I guess I passed out."  Tails looked sheepishly between the two of them.

"Oh, that must have been my perfume. . ."  Amy remarked.  "I called Vanilla as soon as you collapsed.  Cream was too far away, and I got so nervous after you collapsed, I forgot the path we took, so I couldn't find Cream. . ."  She sighed and gently kicked the ground in shame.  "I took you up to the guest room and watched over you until Cream got here.  We made you some soup if you want to eat something. . ."

"I-I'm not hungry, thank  you. . ."  Tails lay back, still feeling stressed, but not sick.
 
"Okay. . . I'm going to go make some more food for us. . ."  Amy sighed and left the room, closing the door behind her.  Cream looked worried, tears starting to form in her eyes, and Cheese popped up from behind her.

"Tails?"  Cream went up to Tails and gently hugged him, even wrapping her ears around him.  "When you told me you were okay at my house. . . you weren't really okay. . . were you?"  She gently sobbed into his shoulder.  Tails frowned and hugged her back.

"I felt fine then, Cream. . ."  Tails barely got the words out.

"Then was it the food?  The flowers?"  Cream kept trying to blame herself.  Tails sighed, cursing himself in his mind.  He avoided her and didn't tell her about the shock of losing Cosmo, so she didn't know a lot of what he was going through.  He knew he wanted to explain to her, he just didn't want to scar her too much.  Also, he didn't feel comfortable telling her everything, as Cream was a good friend of Cosmo's ,too, and Tails thought Cream liked him, so talking too much about a love lost might hurt her feelings more than help her through understanding.

"No, Cream. . . those were great. . . it's just. . ."  He sighed.  "After Cosmo died, I don't feel like I can love anyone anymore.  You were really nice to me, and I know you like me. . ."  At this, Cream smiled, but also blushed deeply.  "And I want to learn how to like someone and care for someone like you do, but right now I just. . . don't remember how to do that.  I think that. . . if I like someone, they'll get taken away from me, like Cosmo was. . ."  Tails couldn't look at Cream at all during this.

"Tails. . . I'm not Cosmo. . . it's going to be okay. . ."  Cream held him close, and Tails weakly returned the hug.  This made Tails feel better, but all these thoughts of caring, friendship, and even love, either made him think of Amy, or were blocked out by the traumatized parts of his mind.  Just then, they heard a knock on the door, which made Cream jump off of Tails.  Cheese flew and unlocked the door, letting Amy in.

"Tails?  Do you think you could show me where some stuff is in your kitchen?"  Amy asked before looking around, and seeing Cream already blushing, and Tails getting a blush on his face after he thought about what was about to happen before Amy came in.

"O-Okay. . ."  Tails sighed and sat up.  He slowly got out of bed, but felt dizzy upon standing, and Cream moved over to steady him.  "Sorry. . ."  He blinked and took a deep breath to calm himself down, then walked down to the kitchen, with Amy leading the way.  Cream watched him walk away, staying in the room.  She quietly closed the door after Amy left, and went back to sit in the chair she brought up into the room.  She lowered her head and started to cry.  It took enough out of her to admit her feelings to Tails, but for him not only to say that he didn't feel the same, for him to say that he didn't feel that way about anyone, was more than she could take.  Cheese hugged her and tried to calm her down, but Cream wasn't hearing any of it at the moment.

Tails looked around the kitchen with a small amount of wonder.  Amy had enough ingredients and cooking tools out to feed everyone in their core group of friends.  "Wow, Amy, what's all this for?"

"Oh. . . you know cooking always made me feel better. . . it did for you, too, if I recall.  You want to cook with me?"  Amy turned back towards the stove to hide her blush.

"Um. . . sure. . ."  Tails nodded after hesitating.  He was still confused, but well enough to do something simple like cooking.  It might even help him make some sense of what was going on.  He started to look over everything when Amy paused and looked around the room.

"Tails, where's Cream?"  Amy looked inquisitive, and started to pace around the kitchen.  
"She's not down here?"  Tails blinked and turned around, his eyes sweeping the room.  "I guess she's still upstairs. . ."

"I'm going to check on her, okay?  She was so scared when she heard about you. . ."  Amy bolted upstairs before Tails could respond, so he merely nodded and went back to looking at what they had in front of them.  Amy had planned to make five different dishes, each enough to feed at least three people.  Tails sighed as he read everything over.

Amy knocked on the door, heard no response, and entered.  "Cream?"  She looked over and saw Cream hunched over, tears falling from her face.  "Cream!"  She nearly shouted, but didn't want to alert Tails.  She ran over to Cream and hugged her.  "What is it, Cream?"
"H-H-He s-s-said. . ."  Cream sniffled, and Cheese tried his best to calm her.

"What did he say. . .?"  Amy was worried, and starting to wonder if Tails would have to get a taste of her hammer.  

"He. . . he knows. . . b-but. . . he doesn't like me. . ."  Cream took a deep breath and stopped crying.

"Did he say why?"  Amy was disappointed, but she knew exactly why he didn't feel that way.
"A-After Cosmo. . . he said he forgot how to love. . ."  Cream sighed, and Amy frowned and shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Cream. . ."  Amy thought for a moment about how to help Cream understand what Tails was going through.  "Cream, you remember those flower crowns you always make?"

"Mm-hmm. . ."

"When you take out those flowers, they can't grow anymore, and the ground they were in becomes empty, right?"

"Yeah.  . ."

"And what do you do when that happens?"

"I. . . I plant new seeds there, so the beautiful flowers can grow back. . ."

"Exactly.  Right now, Tails is an empty patch of dirt after having Cosmo taken away from him.  We need to plant seeds of love into him, and care for and nurture them, and then he'll be able to love again, good as new.  Maybe even better."  Cream nodded and smiled at Amy's analogy, and Amy had her trademark sparkle in her eyes.

"But how do we do that, Amy?"

"Well. . . we have to show him there are people out there that care for him. . . and with a bit of a push, over time, those thoughts of caring will turn into thoughts of love."  Amy smiled and pulled away from Cream.

"Are you sure, Amy?"  Cream was hesitant to believe what Amy said after she knew Tails had fainted.  Amy took Cream's hands and nodded.

"Of course, Cream.  Even though he's had a rough couple of days, I think he's doing much better now.  We just have to keep supporting him and being there for him."

"Thanks, Amy."   Cream wiped the tears from eyes and hugged Amy.  Amy hugged Cream, then quickly walked out the door.

"I got enough food out for a huge feast down there, Cream, I want to see how Tails is handling cooking that much food."

"Can Cheese and I help, too?"

"Of course!  We need all the help we can get, cooking this much, come on!"  Amy beckoned for them to follow and the trio dashed downstairs.  Tails was still looking over everything and trying to figure it all out.

"Why do we need to make all this food again, Amy?"  Tails said absentmindedly, not even turning around to see that Cream had joined them.

"So you can have something good to eat later, silly!"  Amy grinned.  It wasn't exactly the truth, as they could have made a lot less and Tails would have enough for the three of them tonight and a few days afterwards.  However, Amy and Tails made a pact that their pseudo-therapy sessions with each other would be done in confidence.  Neither of them would speak about the other's problems or feelings to anyone else, unless it was a real emergency.  Even though Tails had just explained some of his feelings to Cream, neither he nor Amy wanted to tell Cream that things were any worse than they already are.  "Cream's even going to help us!  Right, Cream?"

"Mm-hmm!"  Cream nodded.  Her face and eyes were still red from crying, but her voice sounded normal.  She looked at everything they had on the counter.  "Gosh, you guys, you want to make all of this?"

"Yup!  It'll be a challenge!"  Amy balled her hands into fists.  "You ready, Tails?"

"Ready!"  Tails sounded enthusiastic, even though he was a bit nervous.  If Amy wanted to make all of this for just three people, then something was wrong.  He knew she was concerned for him after seeing him faint, but he couldn't help but think there was something else bothering her.

The four of them went to work.  Even Cheese had a hand in the meal through tossing the salad to mix it up.  He was flying around the room while he worked, with happy "Chao"s coming from him every few seconds.  Cream was working on three different kinds of sauces, Tails was preparing and seasoning the meat, and Amy was getting all the side dishes in order.  All of them were good at cooking, though, and a couple of hours later they had more beef, pork, rice, potatoes, and salad in front of them than they knew what to do with.  Three of them were a bit worn out when they sat down to eat, but Cheese was still enjoying himself by flying around the house.

"Come here, Cheese!"  Cream giggled, and Cheese went back to hovering over her shoulder.  "Thank you so much for letting me stay for dinner, Tails!"

"Oh. . ."  Tails blushed as he remembered why she came over in the first place.  "You're welcome, Cream.  Let's eat!"

The four of them began to eat, with Cream putting some of the food on her plate aside for Cheese.  After all the work they did cooking, they were pretty hungry.  They were so busy eating that they didn't talk much, but near the end of the meal, Cheese flew down to get some food too quickly, and hit the edge of the plate.  Even though there wasn't much food on it, it flew backwards and crashed against the ground.  "Oh, gosh!  I'm so sorry, Tails!"  Cream looked mortified, and Cheese looked ashamed, tears in his eyes.  

"It's okay, Cream, I'll clean it up."  Tails jumped out of his chair and dashed to the broom and dustpan he kept in the kitchen.   Amy got up and followed him, and Cream and Cheese went over to gather up the pieces.  Amy glanced over at Cream and Cheese to make sure they weren't looking, then leaned close to Tails and whispered to him as Tails went to grab the broom.

"I need to talk to you, Tails."  Amy covered her mouth with her hand.  Tails jumped slightly, but nodded.  "Alone."  Tails made a bit of an effort to get the broom so he could stay behind with Amy and respond.

"We can't just ask Cream to leave, that's rude. . ."  He covered his mouth as well, but spoke quickly, as Cream was almost done gathering some of the plate up.

"Then take her home.  Please, Tails?"  There was urgency in her eyes.  Tails knew this was serious, and he probably knew what it was about.  He sighed and nodded again.

"Okay. . . after we clean all this up. . ."  He grabbed the broom and dustpan, heading over to help Cream clean up.  Cheese helped by taking the dustpan from Tails and emptying it into the trash.  Cheese frowned and gave a sad "Chao" as an apology.  Tails patted Cheese on the head and smiled.  "Don't worry about it, Cheese."  He then looked over at the food.  "We need to put all this in the fridge now. . ."  Everyone nodded and quickly went to help.

They all put the food away in silence.  Amy thought for a moment before talking to Cream.  "Cream, it's getting late, and your mom's probably worried about you.  How about we take you home?"  She suggested sweetly.  Cream pouted as she looked at Amy, but then turned towards Tails.

"Are you sure you're okay, Tails?"  Cream looked at Tails with eyes that contained both sadness and hurt feelings.  She was a bit angry with Tails, between being turned down by him and hearing that he fainted after he told her he was fine.  Even though he wasn't being himself, she wanted to get to know the person Tails had become after Cosmo's death, and to get him to open up his heart again, but that would require quite a bit of caring and patience.  Cream had both of these in spades, and combined with her personal reasons for helping him, she didn't want to leave him now.

"I'll be okay. . ."  Tails gave a smile that wasn't exactly convincing.  He was fine now, but he was thinking about what Amy wanted to discuss with him in private.  "And even if something happens, Amy's going to be over, and she'll help me. . ."

"Why can't it be ME?"  Cream stamped her foot and shouted the last word, which caused everyone else to freeze.  "I want to help you, too, Tails, and you won't let me!"  She had tears in her eyes, and Tails ran over and hugged her.  It took him a moment to find something to say.

"But you did help me, Cream. . . you always cared about me, you came by to have lunch with me, and when I wasn't feeling well, you watched over me and helped me get better. . ."  Tails chose his words carefully, hoping they'd be enough to calm Cream down.

"But I want to really help you, Tails. . . I know you're hurting. . . please let me help. . ."  Cream spoke between sobs.  Tails lowered his head.  He knew he'd have to reveal something he rather wouldn't, but he didn't want to lose Cream as a friend.

"Cream. . .?"  Tails said quietly.  A soft noise of approval from Cream made him continue.  "I thought that. . . if I really told you what I was going through. . . you'd feel sad again. . . or maybe, you'd be afraid of me or not like me. . . and I didn't want to do that to you. . ."  Cream pulled away and looked him in the eyes, even though tears were still streaming down her face.

"I'd never be sad or afraid or not like you, Tails. . ."  Cream took a deep breath before continuing.  "If I felt sad, I'd just remember I was helping a friend feel better, and then I'd feel better.  You've been through a lot, Tails, but I wouldn't be afraid because deep down, you'd still be Tails."  She tried to smile, but her mouth barely moved.  "No matter what you think, I want to help, Tails, and I'll do whatever it takes to get you to smile and laugh again, like you used to before. . . she left us. . ."  She solemnly bowed her head out of respect for both Tails and the late Cosmo.

Tails could only tighten his embrace and give a weak smile.  About ten seconds later, he found his voice.  "Thank you, Cream. . ."  It was so soft that Amy, a couple of feet away, couldn't hear him.  He was grateful Cream cared about him so much, and although her earlier confession of her feelings, combined with this of her sympathy, made him more at ease to talk with her like he did with Amy, he had some new concerns.  The most pressing of this was how to get Amy alone to talk with her, and how to tell Cream what he had experience since Cosmo's death.  He knew the latter would likely be harder, as he wasn't sure how to bring up the topic of a lost loved one to someone who loves him now.  He would also have to take things slow when talking to her about it so as not to burden her with too much sorrow at once.  His mind went back to the former issue, though, and he pulled away from Cream.  "I promise I'll talk to you about this soon, okay?"  

"Are. . . are you sure, Tails?"  Cream looked apprehensive, but Tails nodded.

"I'll make sure he does, Cream, don't worry."  Amy chose this moment to interject.  Her hands were linked together and her arms were at her waist, as if she were still unsure whether or not to speak.  She still wanted to speak with Tails, but she was happy that the two of them had grown closer.  "Now, it's getting late, and I'm sure your mother's worried about you.  How about we have Tails here take you home, Cream?"  Amy almost asked to go with them, but she didn't want to interrupt their bonding any more than she already had.
 
"Would you please take me in the Tornado, Tails?"  Cream asked.  Even though her ears could allow her to fly, it was nothing like being up in the air with Tails.

"Sure, Cream, let's go."  Tails ran to the hangar and motioned for her to follow.  Cream nodded and ran behind him, and Amy breathed a sigh of relief.  There wasn't anything else to do, so she went upstairs to her guest room after she saw the two of them leave.  She looked out the window to make sure Tails and Cream left, and sure enough, she saw them going away about a minute later.  

Once Tails reached cruising altitude, he set the autopilot to head to Cream's house.  He noticed the oranges, pinks, and purples of a gorgeous sunset, then turned back to Cream.  "Hey, Cream, check out the view."  Cream's hands were pressed against the window as she leaned towards the cockpit, her face already inches from the glass.

"It's beautiful, Tails!"  Cream said excitedly.  Cheese flew around and voiced his agreement, which made Tails smile.  

"I knew you'd like it."

"Tails, do you think we could sit out one night and watch the stars?"

"Sure.  Maybe some other night, though.  It's been a bit of a rough day. . ."  Tails felt sad and a bit guilty afterwards.  Even though he fainted, he knew Cream had the worst day out of everyone, between worrying about him and being rejected by him.

"Yeah. . . but tomorrow will be better!"  Cream's optimism surprised Tails at first, but then he smiled along with her.  He thought that, maybe, Cream just wanted to be closer to him.  Rather than being loved by him, she would settle for things going back to how they were.  Truth be told, Cream was a bit lonely.  Even though she had her mother and Cheese for comfort and companionship, Tails and Amy were her closest friends, and she didn't want to lose either of them.  

"I'm sure it will be, Cream."  Tails sighed happily as he saw Cream's house from above.  Tails knew the shortcut Cream took between their houses, so he flew along that path, and was there within a couple of minutes.  "Hang on, we're about to land."

"Wheeeeeeee!"  Cream squealed as they descended, her arms holding onto Cheese, who gave his own squeal of delight and held his arms over his head.  Tails laughed at their antics, but soon turned off the autopilot and became focused on landing, as landing in this tight of a space was too difficult for the autopilot to do.

After a safe landing, the trio left the craft, taking one last look to admire the sunset before knocking on the door.  

"Oh, hello, Tails!  And welcome back, Cream!"  Vanilla had been watching the two of them outside, so she was right by the door when Tails knocked.  Her eyes never left Tails's.  "Amy called and told me what happened, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Miss Vanilla.  Cream was very kind and helpful."  Tails looked down, and Cream blushed at the compliment.  

"You're such a nice boy, Tails."  Vanilla giggled.  She nearly made a comment about how Tails could easily make a good husband, but stopped herself.  Cream told Vanilla the whole story of what happened aboard the Blue Typhoon the day after they all got back.  Just like Cream, Vanilla hadn't seen him for months before this week, and he seemed almost back to his old self.  "Would you like to come in for something to eat?  Maybe some tea?"

"Oh, no thank you, Miss Vanilla.  We ate just before we left."  Tails moved his head up slightly, but still didn't meet her eyes.

"Tails is a very good cook."  Cream added quietly, but both of them heard, and Tails blushed.

"Well, you helped, too, Cream."  Tails was even more quiet.  Everyone was silent for a few seconds before Vanilla spoke.

"Thank you for bringing Cream home, Tails."  She then turned to Cream.  "Come on, dear, let's go."  Cream nodded and walked to her mother's side, then looked at Tails.  

"Thank you for having me over, Tails."  Cream bowed lightly, and Tails bowed in return.

"Thank you for taking care of me and helping me cook."  Tails turned and dashed back into the Tornado.  As he hopped in, Vanilla smiled and looked down at Cream.

"Just as shy as ever. . ."  Vanilla smiled as she walked inside with Cream.

Amy had spent most of the time Tails was away laying back on the bed and thinking.  She was doing what she thought was best for Tails, and even though Amy could be a bit overzealous sometimes, she wondered if she went too far this time.  Even though her plans looked like they worked, Tails wasn't receiving the attention well.  Add to that Tails rejecting Cream, and Amy thought she might have sabotaged their friendship completely if not for some quick thinking by Tails.  After a few minutes, she went up and walked downstairs, heading to the couch, so she could greet Tails as soon as he came inside.  She felt terrible about him fainting, and blamed herself for it, as she was responsible for nearly everything that happened before Tails fainted.  She ran over what she was going to say in her mind when she heard the hangar open to let in the Tornado.  She waited for Tails to come in before patting the couch cushion next to her.  She was looking away, both hands resting in her lap, and this only made Tails more nervous.  He ran to the couch and sat down beside her.  "What's wrong, Amy?"

"I'm really sorry, Tails. . .I made you faint. . . didn't I?"  The last few moments of consciousness Tails had, complete with all the thoughts that were racing through his mind, came back to him.  He knew why he fainted, but he didn't want to tell her why; he could barely believe it himself.

"Don't worry about it, Amy. . ."  He hugged her, but Amy sighed at his lack of a denial.  She felt horrible, but she at least wanted to understand what happened to him, so she wouldn't do it again.  

"What did I do wrong, Tails?"  Amy turned to look at him.  There were tears in her eyes, and even though Tails was expecting something like that, he wasn't sure what to say right away.  His pause gave Amy time to continue.  "I mean. . . maybe it was wrong to try to get you and Cream together like that, but she loved you Tails, and I didn't want her to chase after you when you weren't interested in her, I wanted her to have an answer one way or the other.  I know how much that hurts, Tails. . ."  Tails gave a solemn nod, then reached over and gave her a gentle hug.  He knew all too well about her prior infatuation with Sonic, and how much it really hurt her.

"Amy. . . it's okay. . . I know you didn't mean any harm by it.  I just got overwhelmed, between seeing Cream for the first time in so long, the whole thing between you and Sonic, and. . ."  Tails trailed off, trying to remember what he thought before he passed out.
"And what?"  Amy was relieved, but curious as to what else Tails was thinking.

"I. . . I'm not sure how to explain it yet, Amy. . ."  Tails had his last thoughts before he fainted running through his mind.  He kept trying to deny it, to explain it to himself in any way other than he already had.  He wasn't sure he was ready to admit it to himself, much less to anyone else, even Amy.  He pulled away and looked at Amy, frowning when he her looking upset.  "But when I do, you'll be the first to know, I promise. . ."  Amy paused, then nodded.  "It's been a crazy day, and I don't know about you, but I'm ready to turn in."  A yawn from Amy just then drew a chuckle from Tails.  "Come on, let's go."  Amy didn't get up, but held him close instead, her rose perfume still making its way to Tails's nose.

After a deep breath and a long, quiet sigh, Tails gave up trying to lie to himself.  He was thinking about it on and off ever since he woke up.  His felt relieved after talking to Amy, and his worries from earlier today were all gone now.  He sighed happily, and felt Amy slump against him.  "Don't want to get up, huh, Amy?"

"Mm-mm."  Amy shook her head, nuzzling into Tails's soft fur.

"I can handle that."  Tails grinned and held her close to him.  "Hold on."  Tails stood up but still held onto her.

"Huh?"  Amy was confused, but tightened her grip onto Tails.  Tails jumped up and spun his tails, and soon he and Amy were hovering about a foot above the couch.  "Wah!  Tails!"  She was surprised, but started to laugh after she realized what Tails was doing.

"What is it, Amy?  Scared of heights?"  Tails joked.  

"No, Tails!  I just didn't think you'd take it seriously."  Amy laughed.  Her legs were dangling under Tails, but Tails had his house constructed in such a way that he could use his tails to fly anywhere in the house if he had to.  Neither of them were in any danger.  With some careful maneuvering, the two of them got in the doorway, and he gently set her down on the bed.   "You sound like you're feeling better, Tails."  Amy smiled, and Tails nodded.  For Tails to be this playful, she thought, he must have gotten over whatever had him worried earlier.

"Are you okay, Amy?"  Tails looked down at her with concern.

"I'm fine, Tails, thank you."  She leaned into Tails and held him close, and Tails did the same.  "Good night."

"Good night, Amy."  He slowly pulled away, then turned and walked out to hide the blush that appeared on his cheeks.  He walked slowly down the stairs and back to his bed, with only one thought going through his head the whole time.  It was what he had figured out right before he fainted, but wasn't willing to admit to himself until a few minutes ago.

I'm in love with Amy Rose. . .